We had our Pastor over the other night for a talk. We had not had much opportunity to sit a talk since my Mom died. It was a necessary visit. I was able to, as he termed it, "emotionally throw up all my pain". It's funny that this is the term he used, because when my mom was here and was worried about us, she would call and say, "I throwing up over here" and she would literally get sick to her stomach if something was wrong with one of her kids.
I have felt so disconnected from some of my family and family friends. When my mom was alive I would hear about all their lives and kids. Many people are uncomfortable talking about pain or loss with people who are grieving. I guess this is why they choose not to call or write. It was nice to have Pastor Dan over and pour out all my sorrow and pain without being told to think a certain way or have the feelings I have. It was painful but necessary for me to "emotionally throw up."
I want to know when my pain will end. I want to know how to say goodbye to my mom and accept the fact that Cameron will not know her. I want to know when my tears will turn to joy, and I want the road to bend.
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WOW! I am glad you got the chance to "throw up"
All I know to say is that I am praying for you! I have lost an older brother and a best friend, but my parents are sill living. I do not know what you are going through. I can pray for you to experience that joy!
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